Yes, You Can!

Sometimes we can be our own worse enemies. We can judge ourselves hard and we can convince ourselves we are too messed up to be used by God. We know our past, we know the mistakes we have made, and the sins we have committed. We may believe forgiveness is for everyone else, but “not me.”

Or we may feel we have to pay for penitence, earn forgiveness, right standing, or the right to minister His love. This is so far from the truth.

I was here before. I experienced such spiritual and emotional war, it left me limping. I almost believed I blew it. I heard a voice in my head say, “You really messed up this time! He will never use you. You have lost all credibility. How can you help someone else when you can’t even help yourself.”

I had to discern this was not my voice and it was not the voice of God. This voice was of the accuser. I may have gone through war, but I am not in sin. God does not give gifts and take them away.

We overcome by His blood and the word of our testimony. We must rise up, knowing He has called us and He has equip us with His Spirit. Because it is not about us, it is about Him and His great love for us.

I pray you find this encouraging. I pray you will always remember, when you are weak, then He is strong.

Be Free & Stay Free

The Dangerous Man

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I bet when you read the title to this post you thought it was going to be about a man who was blatantly dangerous, with a wicked temper and is violent? Of course, a man like that is dangerous, but I am referring to a more dangerous man; the sweet Mr. Wonderful.


Mr. Wonderful comes in and sweeps you off your feet. He is fine; eye candy for you. His words are smooth and he has taken such an interest in you. He is charming. He is hard working, so fun, funny, confident, sexy, cares for the people in his life (you know this because he has told you) and he says he has fallen in love with you.


You can hardly believe it. You feel wonderful when you are with him. You feel beautiful, desired and validated. You open yourself up to him. You have given him your trust and your heart.


He doesn’t want to be without you. You find yourself spending all of your free time together and when you aren’t together you are constantly texting each other and calling each other. He has become number one in your life. You find yourself not minding when you change your plans to be with him. You even begin to stop seeing your friends and family to be with him. You begin to stop doing the things that you once enjoyed, this is your sacrifice to your relationship and you do it willingly.


Suddenly you become a different person. You are no longer you and the people who know you do not even recognize you anymore. You may even feel a sting of offense when your friends suggest that something is not quite right here. You wish your friends could see how wonderful he is, but they haven’t been able to meet him, because he has such plans for you, there is never an opportune time for them to meet him.

As your relationship progresses, your communications with your friends and family become almost non-existent. You do miss them and when you voice this to Mr Wonderful he says that “They should understand that you are in a relationship now.” What he says does make sense, a little, but still…


You begin to see red flags, but you quickly dismiss them, because you hold onto the way he made you feel. You don’t seem to see that what you thought you had is no longer there. You dismiss the warning signs. After all, he is just busy, he is tired, he fell asleep early and didn’t hear the phone ring, he can’t go out with you because he has things to do…

You begin to feel insecure in the relationship. You don’t want to believe the worse, but still you can’t shake the foreboding. You ask him if everything is OK, he is quite offended that you just don’t understand him. You try to talk, but he talks louder and seems to have more to say. You look at him and you do not see the man that you thought he was. He is a stranger to you now.


But, the sex is great. Oh, the way he holds you makes you feel so good. He looks at you and tells you he loves you and you believe him, because you want to. After a while, the sex is not even that good anymore. What you once thought was making love is now leaving you feel empty.


You have reached the point where you are no longer thinking clearly. You are ashamed because you thought you were better than this. Your thoughts have become obsessed, because rather than face reality, you cling to the fantasy of who you wanted him to be.


You wish you were stronger so that you could walk away, you wish things could go back to the way they were. You question where you went wrong, but you know deep inside the problem with him is not you.


My dear, sweet, sister, does this sound familiar?


Are you in a relationship like this now? Are you just coming out of a relationship like this? Are you still wounded from Mr Wonderful? Are you still holding onto something that you know you should let go of?


Mr. Wonderful is a dangerous man. He is poison to you. Let him go!

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I know this easier said than done. Trust me, my sister, I know the feelings of a broken heart. But, it can be done, you can walk away, you can heal and the pieces of your heart can be put back together. The journey to healing may be painful, but in the end it will be worth it. You are worth it.


There are steps you must take to this healing and I encourage you to determine in your heart that you will do this. I also encourage you to surround yourself with people who care about you to help you through this. Friends that you can turn to when you have those moments of weakness that will not judge you, but will love you through the storm of emotions.


First things first:

  • Throw away all of the reminders. Go through your house and collect all of his things, every love note, picture, card, gift, clothes, everything and throw it in a box and then throw it away. You must rid yourself of everything that will remind you of him in the future.
  • Delete all of his text and emails. Delete his phone number. Block his number so that he can not contact you, EVER.
  • Tell your friends that it is over and you do not want them to ever mention his name
  • Do NOT, and I repeat, do NOT contact him. You, for sure, will have moments that you want to hear his voice, because at first he is still on that imaginary pedestal, RESIST the temptation. You do not need to contact him to tell him you will no longer be contacting him, trust me, he will figure it out. You do not need to tell him to never contact you again, because you have already blocked him.

Next:

  • Surround yourself with people who care about you
  • Do the things that you once enjoyed
  • Begin a new hobby
  • Get outside!

Don’t:

  • Numb your pain with alcohol or drugs or any other unhealthy behavior
  • Watch “chic flicks”
  • Listen to mainstream love songs
  • Date. Give yourself time to heal
  • Dwell on thoughts of him

Do:

  • Get rest
  • Eat healthy
  • Exercise, it releases the endorphins that will help you to feel better
  • Develop back up thoughts to think about when he enters your mind
  • Remind yourself that you are worth so much more


You will get through this. Trust me. Do not try to go it alone.


MOST IMPORTANT:


Turn to Jesus, my friend. He cares for you. He understands. Do not be afraid to take this to Him. Beloved, Mr Wonderful was not the only one to blame, you also partook of things that as a daughter of a King you should not have. Sexual relations with this man has caused a soul tie and it must be broken. How do we break a soul tie? First, we have to admit that there is one.


I know our culture is OK with sex outside of marriage. This way of thinking, sadly, is even in the church. We rationalize that when two people love each other and are committed to each other and are in an exclusive relationship, then “making love” is OK. Beloved, there is a reason why this is not OK in the sight of the Lord. It is for our protection.


No matter how we sugar coat it, sex outside of marriage is fornication and fornicators do not inherit eternal life.


If you have had sex with this man, go to God, who is faithful and just to forgive us and confess it as sin. Then leave it there. Beloved, He wants your healing more than you do. He alone is the one who can heal you and His healing is complete. There is no wholeness without the healing of our Savior.


Spend time in His presence.


Isn’t it odd that when we meet someone and fall in love that we find it so easy to spend all of our time with him? When we aren’t with him physically, then we are with him emotionally and in our thoughts. Should we offer anything less to the One who loves us most? If we claim to love Jesus, then we must surrender our hearts and our bodies to Him. His love never fails.


Psalm 91 says “He (she) that dwells in the secret place of the most High shall abide under the shadow of the Almighty. I will say of the Lord, He is my refuge and my fortress; my God; in Him will I trust.”


I am not suggesting that this will be easy. But I am saying, that when you have come through this, you will be stronger; if your strength is in Jesus.


Do not look at your experience with Mr. Wonderful as a waste. Though it would have been better if you had not had to go through that, but you did. So look at it as a learning experience and you are better for it.


Prayer: Jesus, thank you for your unfailing love and your help in our time of need. Thank you for your healing and your forgiveness. I consecrate myself to you and I ask that you search those secret places in me and shine your light of truth. Heal me and create in me a new heart and renew my spirit. Shield me from the enemy. Thank you, Jesus, for all that you have done and all that you continue to do. I trust you to heal me.

Be Free & Stay Free

Fighting the Enemy

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The devil is not all knowing, but he is very clever. He is a trickster, a deceiver, the father of all lies. He knows how to get under your skin and make you feel defeated. But, you are not defeated! He doesn’t care if you are a Christian, he just doesn’t want you to be effective. He knows if you fall for his attack you will not be bold in your faith and your witness. He just wants to plant a little seed of doubt.

So, how do we fight the attacks of the enemy? Submit to God and resist him! If you resist him, he will flee. The battle is not yours, you are called to stand firm and resist the devil; no matter what manifestation his attack takes.

1. Prayer. Pray at all times and on every occasion in the power of the Holy Spirit. Ephesians 6:18

2. Fellowship. Where two or three are gathered together because they are His, He is in the midst of them.

3. Read the Bible. You must know His Word. The Word of God is full of power, sharper than any two edged sword. Hebrews 4:12

4. Confession. If we confess our sins to Him He is faithful and just to forgive. 1 John 1:9 If we confess our sins to each other we will be healed. The devil likes secrets. Jesus brings light. Confession and repentance will silence the devil because then he will have nothing on you.

5. Love. Perfect love cast out fear. If you are walking in love, knowing who you are and Who He is and who you are in Him, you will have no need to fear. Do not return evil with evil, but return it with good. Let Him love through you.

Finally, do not forget to suit up.

Put on the whole armor of God that you may be able to stand against the wiles of the devil. For we do not wrestle against flesh and blood, but against principalities, against powers, against the rulers of the darkness of this age, against spiritual hosts of wickedness in the heavenly places. Therefore take up the whole armor of God that you may be able to withstand in the evil day, and having done all, to stand. Stand therefore, having girded your waist with truth, having put on the breastplate of righteousness, and having shod your feet with the preparation of the Gospel of Peace; above all taking the shield of faith with which you will be able to quench all the fiery darts of the wicked one. And take the helmet of salvation, and the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God; praying always with all prayer and supplication in the Spirit, being watchful to this end with all perseverance and supplication for all the saints – Ephesians 6:11-18

Be Free & Stay Free