So… you want true intimacy?

God has created sex between a husband and wife to be pleasurable. To be an act of worship and submission to one another. This is an adoration that is pleasing to God. This is a deep recognition of the gift that God has placed before you, the gift of a lifetime love and lover.

There is a time and a season for all things.

Courtship is ministry to the heart. If God is the center of your relationship, this will be a time when your heart can safely open without fear. This is a time to establish trust and friendship with the one that could possibly be your spouse. This is when the foundation is laid. Without this foundation, when the storms come your house will be destroyed if all you have based your affections on is the lusty desires and immediate, but temporary, satisfactions.

Intercourse causes soul ties. This is why you are tore apart after a break-up when you have been physically intimate with someone outside of marriage, because you have given that special gift away to someone who has not made the commitment to love you forever and to forsake all others.

soulish love

Sex outside of marriage leads to distrust. Can you truly trust someone who has given themselves to you? If that person claims to love you, yet will not wait until marriage, can you truly trust them to have the self control and integrity it will take to maintain a marriage when adversity comes?

The value and integrity of marriage has been compromised in our society. You see it in the movies, hear it in music lyrics, read it in print, and yes…. you may even see it in the church.

The truth of the matter is this; God did not create us to be alone. He created us for fellowship and relationships, first to Him and then to our spouse. This is why woman was created. In all of His beautiful creation, and He saw that is was good, He knew that man can not be alone. We were created in His image and He is a God of intimate relationship.

He created woman from the rib of man, flesh of his flesh and bone of his bone, so that we can truly be one. This does not mean that woman is below man, or even to be above man, but we are to be his helpmate. We have been created with intentional purpose.

Have you ever put something together and afterwards found that you have extra screws left? Yes? Assuming all of the tools and parts needed were there, nothing more, nothing less, and you are left with some extra screws in your hand, you can know that somewhere something is missing. Sure, you may have put whatever it is together, but it is not going to be sturdy or as strong as it could have been had everything been in place. This is the same in marriage. Can we truly reach our fullest potential if we are not rightly joined?

We make excuses. We deceive ourselves. We say, “but we love each other so what does it matter?” or “We are friends with benefits and this will not hurt me.” My dear sister, it does matter and it will hurt you. It will destroy you.

After the newness of the relationship, after you have given him all that you have, when the relationship ends, he will take a piece of you with him. He will move onto someone else, you will move onto someone else and the cycle will continue. Before you realize it, you will find that you have given so many pieces of yourself away to others, that when you do meet that someone that is suppose to be your forever someone, you will have nothing left to give him. Chances are, you will not even recognize him or appreciate him, because you will be so scarred and blinded by your past, that your past will destroy your future.

You will not recognize him because he will not speak the same language as the men of your past. He will not offer to tarnish you with his touch that he is withholding for his wife. Because you have let other men “validate” you through sex, only to tear you down, you will not recognize the true intimacy that he offers. You will feel uncomfortable with it. Because he will not stroke your sexual ego. He will tell you that you are beautiful, but you won’t be able to hear it, because when other men have said that to you, they were looking only at your outward appearance. This man will acknowledge  your physical beauty, but he will recognize and desire the true beauty that does not come from the outward appearance.

This man will want your heart and to give you his. But, such a gift can not be cradled with dirty hands.

I say this not to condemn you or to destroy hope. I say this so that we, as women, can really take an inventory and know where we are lacking. To know our motives and our desires. To fully understand our callings and learn what we must do to walk in the integrity that our calling and our namesake demands.

If you have been and/or are in a relationship where you have compromised, recognize it for what it is. Sin. You cannot sugar coat it or excuse it, it is what it is. It is death.

I encourage you, get your heart right with God. Submit yourself to Him and let Him complete the work that He has begun in you. This is the only way you will ever be able to experience the true intimacy that He desires you to have.

When you have done this, set yourself apart for God (not from God) and allowed Him to heal you, then when that righteous man enters your life, you will recognize him and he will give you his heart and be worthy to receive yours.

If you want true intimacy, then I submit to you… abstain from physical intimacy.

“…do not awaken love until the time is right.” Song of Solomon 2:7

Be Free & Stay Free


When Church Hurts

Good sense makes one slow to anger, and it is his glory to overlook an offense.

Proverbs 19:11

 For where jealousy and selfish ambition exist, there will be disorder and every vile practice

James 3:16

 Do not take to heart all the things that people say, lest you hear your servant cursing you. Your heart knows that many times you yourself have cursed others.

Ecclesiastes 7:21-22

I open this post with three verses that we should read and take to heart.

Many people have fallen away from fellowship with other believers because of an offense. Quite possibly they left the church because their feelings got hurt, they were offended. As followers of Christ we know the world will hate us, because the world hated Jesus. It would seem the world has infiltrated the church and before we point fingers, we must ask ourselves; “Am I part of the problem?” Are we agents of reconciliation or are we sewing discord?

There is a reason we are not to forsake the gathering of the saints and we are to come together in fellowship. We need each other for support. We cannot stand alone. Fellowship with other believers strengthen us, encourages us and holds us accountable. Without this, we are vulnerable to the world. Remember, we are in this world, not of this world.

Some wounds are real and I do not want to ignore this, but often breaking of fellowship happens because of something petty. Rather than confront the person who has offended, in love, (see Matthew 18:15-17) some choose to walk away and say the church is full of hypocrites and I will never go back into that place. Then they brood over the offense and it becomes poison; not only to themselves, but to anyone who listens while they air the offense. This causes division.

I would have to wonder who we are really following. Are we following man or are we following God? Yes, hurts are real; Jesus knows this and He can heal the hurt. Man will let you down, Jesus never will. I am not suggesting that you stay where you are not welcome. I am suggesting to stay within the body that loves and follows Christ. You need the body and the body needs you. Do not retreat, do not hide.

The days are drawing short and His return is close. Be ready.

Be Free & Stay Free

Breaking You


Are your relationships the same old story? You know, same story but different face? You enter into a new relationship, expecting different results, only to find “you have been here before“? You have high hopes, but after the bells and whistles have gone your hope falls to the ground to be trampled on.

You begin to think all relationships are like this and you dare not believe you deserve more. You question your own worth. You define yourself based on one failed relationship after another. You become the relationship. You are consumed and soon you are drowning in the sea of lies.

You leave a piece of yourself in each relationship. Every break-up breaks you a little more each time. You grieve the loss, try to put your pieces back together and jump right back into another relationship, thinking this time it will work. This time you will get it right and this person will love you back together. But each piece of you that has been broken leaves you with a hole. No amount of glue from joining with another will put you back together. Because the injury from the past relationship follows you into the new relationship.

You may even begin to think all men (or women) are the same. You even accept the notion this is as good as it will ever get. You adapt. You change. You lose you and become the relationship.

You can not continue to do the same thing and expect different results.

You may not feel it, but you must believe, you are worth so much more. You are worthy to be loved, cherished, respected, and nurtured.

Do not seek your identity in another, but seek your identity in Him Who loves you. Until you know who you are in Him, you will tolerate treatment not suitable for a daughter (or son) of the King. Royalty does not play in the mud with pigs.

Develop your relationship with Jesus before you seek a relationship with another. Let Him heal you. Learn what He says about you.

Be Free & Stay Free