Here I Am

woman praying

“For I know the plans I have for you. “says the Lord. “They are plans for good and not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope. In those days when you pray, I will listen. If you look for Me in earnest, you will find Me when you seek Me.” Jeremiah 29: 11-13


I remember a very stressful time in my life. It just felt like everything and everyone was being stripped away from me. I felt so alone. Ironically this was also at a time when I was very close with the Lord. Funny how that happens. It is easy for us to think the closer we are to God, the easier our lives should be, right.


One particular night, after everyone was asleep, I turned out the lights and headed upstairs to go to sleep myself. On my way, I stopped and looked out the window at the sky. It was a clear night and the stars were out. I was burdened with so many decisions, some in my control, some not. I looked up at the sky and sighed and said “God, are You even out there?”  What a funny question. It was like I was looking into space for God to be floating around. Have you ever felt that way? Have you ever wondered if God is really paying attention and does He really care? I mean after all, how small are my problems when compared to others. God has a whole planet to look after, how could He possibly be concerned over my seemingly petty problems? Not to mention some of my problems I created myself. So should I really expect Him to come to my rescue each and every time?


The thoughts that go through our minds of being unimportant and unworthy are contrary to what God has to say about us. He has plans for us. Certainly if He has plans for us, He will see us through. If we were important enough to be created for a purpose, then we can believe we are important enough and He cares for every detail in our lives; small and big.


Here is something we need to understand about our God. He will not force His will on us. We always have a choice. He says He has a plan for us, plans for good and not disaster. But we are required to do something. We are to seek Him! He is not hiding from us, He is right here, but we must seek Him. What does that mean to seek Him if He is not hiding? This is what I think it means. I think He is saying to pay attention to Him. Don’t ignore Him. Acknowledge His presence. Have you ever been with someone who was so preoccupied that if you left they would not even notice? If they did not notice your presence, then surely they wouldn’t notice your absence.


When we care about someone we want to make time for them. We want to talk with them. We want to know them. Their thoughts matter to us. We respect their opinions and we listen to them. This is what we do in a healthy relationship. This is what God wants in a relationship with us. He wants a conversation. He wants to hear us and for us to hear Him. He said that when we pray He will listen. What is prayer? It is a conversation with our God.


So, back to my story…. I am looking out the window and I sigh and I say, “God are you even out there?” His answer, “I am right here.”

Be Free & Stay Free

Real Love

songs

If we have not experienced the unconditional love and affection of our fathers while growing up, we may find ourselves in toxic relationships; or unsatisfying, at the most.

As little girls we yearn to be loved and protected by our fathers. If that need was not met we become women who will accept anyone (or anything) who will offer to fill that need. Often, what they offer is a counterfeit and before we realize it we are sucked into another relationship that heaps coals onto our fire of doubt, insecurity, fear and self-hatred.

This is not an issue of intelligence, but a matter of the heart.

A wounded heart that is unable to self love will struggle with boundaries. Our mind may know that a person is not right for us, but our emotional need to fill a void will tolerate almost anything.

Do you find history repeating itself? Are you giving more to a relationship than you are receiving? Is your fear of being alone greater than your courage to walk away?

I have heard women say “love has eluded me.” Honestly, I admit, that I too have echoed these words. I have wondered if would ever experience love and I have found myself settling. It is not a good feeling, is it? What I have learned, and am still learning, is no man can fill this void. No man was meant to fill the void.

When we have not experienced the love of our fathers, we have no standard to measure the love of a man. Without this, we set our standards low, and because we do not value ourselves, we find ourselves with men who devalue us. We fall in love too easy and we are crushed when it is not reciprocated. We unfairly,demand that a man love and value us, when we can’t even love or value ourselves.

We mask our insecurities with false independence. We brush off assaults and “act” strong. We cry, we become bitter, untrusting, and then we hop into another relationship. With each new relationship we have hopes and illusion that ‘this time he is the one’. We ignore red flags, we stifle our fears, we act on impulse, and we become foolish women.

Do not awaken love until the time is right – Song of Solomon 2:7

When is the time right? You will know you are ready for love when you have first fallen in love with yourself. To love yourself you must first meet the true love of your Father. I am not talking about your earthly father. I am talking about your Heavenly Father. Your real Father who you can cry out to as ‘Abba, Father’ (Galatians 4:6) He is not a man sitting in the clouds somewhere and unapproachable. He is with you right now and He cares for you.

We must first know who He is and who He created us to be. We must accept His unconditional love and receive His affections toward us.

Dear woman, you are His creation, His daughter. He does not love as man does, His love is flawless. He is faithful. He is strong. He is patient. He is kind and He sees you as beautiful and worthy.

Cultivate your relationship with Jesus before you attempt a relationship with a man. Until you  trust Him and fully understand how much He adores you,  you will continue in one empty relationship after another.

You are so worth it! You are beautiful! You are the precious daughter of the King, take your position.

Be Free & Stay Free!

The Dangerous Man

dark heart

I bet when you read the title to this post you thought it was going to be about a man who was blatantly dangerous, with a wicked temper and is violent? Of course, a man like that is dangerous, but I am referring to a more dangerous man; the sweet Mr. Wonderful.


Mr. Wonderful comes in and sweeps you off your feet. He is fine; eye candy for you. His words are smooth and he has taken such an interest in you. He is charming. He is hard working, so fun, funny, confident, sexy, cares for the people in his life (you know this because he has told you) and he says he has fallen in love with you.


You can hardly believe it. You feel wonderful when you are with him. You feel beautiful, desired and validated. You open yourself up to him. You have given him your trust and your heart.


He doesn’t want to be without you. You find yourself spending all of your free time together and when you aren’t together you are constantly texting each other and calling each other. He has become number one in your life. You find yourself not minding when you change your plans to be with him. You even begin to stop seeing your friends and family to be with him. You begin to stop doing the things that you once enjoyed, this is your sacrifice to your relationship and you do it willingly.


Suddenly you become a different person. You are no longer you and the people who know you do not even recognize you anymore. You may even feel a sting of offense when your friends suggest that something is not quite right here. You wish your friends could see how wonderful he is, but they haven’t been able to meet him, because he has such plans for you, there is never an opportune time for them to meet him.

As your relationship progresses, your communications with your friends and family become almost non-existent. You do miss them and when you voice this to Mr Wonderful he says that “They should understand that you are in a relationship now.” What he says does make sense, a little, but still…


You begin to see red flags, but you quickly dismiss them, because you hold onto the way he made you feel. You don’t seem to see that what you thought you had is no longer there. You dismiss the warning signs. After all, he is just busy, he is tired, he fell asleep early and didn’t hear the phone ring, he can’t go out with you because he has things to do…

You begin to feel insecure in the relationship. You don’t want to believe the worse, but still you can’t shake the foreboding. You ask him if everything is OK, he is quite offended that you just don’t understand him. You try to talk, but he talks louder and seems to have more to say. You look at him and you do not see the man that you thought he was. He is a stranger to you now.


But, the sex is great. Oh, the way he holds you makes you feel so good. He looks at you and tells you he loves you and you believe him, because you want to. After a while, the sex is not even that good anymore. What you once thought was making love is now leaving you feel empty.


You have reached the point where you are no longer thinking clearly. You are ashamed because you thought you were better than this. Your thoughts have become obsessed, because rather than face reality, you cling to the fantasy of who you wanted him to be.


You wish you were stronger so that you could walk away, you wish things could go back to the way they were. You question where you went wrong, but you know deep inside the problem with him is not you.


My dear, sweet, sister, does this sound familiar?


Are you in a relationship like this now? Are you just coming out of a relationship like this? Are you still wounded from Mr Wonderful? Are you still holding onto something that you know you should let go of?


Mr. Wonderful is a dangerous man. He is poison to you. Let him go!

3a19d8915e7be4bc4fea971b75a8c54d_1024


I know this easier said than done. Trust me, my sister, I know the feelings of a broken heart. But, it can be done, you can walk away, you can heal and the pieces of your heart can be put back together. The journey to healing may be painful, but in the end it will be worth it. You are worth it.


There are steps you must take to this healing and I encourage you to determine in your heart that you will do this. I also encourage you to surround yourself with people who care about you to help you through this. Friends that you can turn to when you have those moments of weakness that will not judge you, but will love you through the storm of emotions.


First things first:

  • Throw away all of the reminders. Go through your house and collect all of his things, every love note, picture, card, gift, clothes, everything and throw it in a box and then throw it away. You must rid yourself of everything that will remind you of him in the future.
  • Delete all of his text and emails. Delete his phone number. Block his number so that he can not contact you, EVER.
  • Tell your friends that it is over and you do not want them to ever mention his name
  • Do NOT, and I repeat, do NOT contact him. You, for sure, will have moments that you want to hear his voice, because at first he is still on that imaginary pedestal, RESIST the temptation. You do not need to contact him to tell him you will no longer be contacting him, trust me, he will figure it out. You do not need to tell him to never contact you again, because you have already blocked him.

Next:

  • Surround yourself with people who care about you
  • Do the things that you once enjoyed
  • Begin a new hobby
  • Get outside!

Don’t:

  • Numb your pain with alcohol or drugs or any other unhealthy behavior
  • Watch “chic flicks”
  • Listen to mainstream love songs
  • Date. Give yourself time to heal
  • Dwell on thoughts of him

Do:

  • Get rest
  • Eat healthy
  • Exercise, it releases the endorphins that will help you to feel better
  • Develop back up thoughts to think about when he enters your mind
  • Remind yourself that you are worth so much more


You will get through this. Trust me. Do not try to go it alone.


MOST IMPORTANT:


Turn to Jesus, my friend. He cares for you. He understands. Do not be afraid to take this to Him. Beloved, Mr Wonderful was not the only one to blame, you also partook of things that as a daughter of a King you should not have. Sexual relations with this man has caused a soul tie and it must be broken. How do we break a soul tie? First, we have to admit that there is one.


I know our culture is OK with sex outside of marriage. This way of thinking, sadly, is even in the church. We rationalize that when two people love each other and are committed to each other and are in an exclusive relationship, then “making love” is OK. Beloved, there is a reason why this is not OK in the sight of the Lord. It is for our protection.


No matter how we sugar coat it, sex outside of marriage is fornication and fornicators do not inherit eternal life.


If you have had sex with this man, go to God, who is faithful and just to forgive us and confess it as sin. Then leave it there. Beloved, He wants your healing more than you do. He alone is the one who can heal you and His healing is complete. There is no wholeness without the healing of our Savior.


Spend time in His presence.


Isn’t it odd that when we meet someone and fall in love that we find it so easy to spend all of our time with him? When we aren’t with him physically, then we are with him emotionally and in our thoughts. Should we offer anything less to the One who loves us most? If we claim to love Jesus, then we must surrender our hearts and our bodies to Him. His love never fails.


Psalm 91 says “He (she) that dwells in the secret place of the most High shall abide under the shadow of the Almighty. I will say of the Lord, He is my refuge and my fortress; my God; in Him will I trust.”


I am not suggesting that this will be easy. But I am saying, that when you have come through this, you will be stronger; if your strength is in Jesus.


Do not look at your experience with Mr. Wonderful as a waste. Though it would have been better if you had not had to go through that, but you did. So look at it as a learning experience and you are better for it.


Prayer: Jesus, thank you for your unfailing love and your help in our time of need. Thank you for your healing and your forgiveness. I consecrate myself to you and I ask that you search those secret places in me and shine your light of truth. Heal me and create in me a new heart and renew my spirit. Shield me from the enemy. Thank you, Jesus, for all that you have done and all that you continue to do. I trust you to heal me.

Be Free & Stay Free