I wish I had something profound or witty to write.
I sit at my laptop and stare…
It is not that I don’t have thoughts, but I am finding it difficult to convey them. Perhaps the thoughts are meant for me alone? Maybe God is showing me something and I need to wait for Him to take me deeper than the surface.
I have prayed for God to give me a burden for prayer. You know, for intercession, to actually desire to enter into His throne room and intercede for people, our nation, my children, and my neighborhood. I am in need of revival.
Thoughts are just thoughts until we put them into action. I realize my thoughts have become quite selfish and they are spilling over into my prayers. It has somehow become all about me. How did that happen?
We are living in a time when we can no longer afford to slumber or wait until “the time is right.” Our world is imploding. People are eating each other with hatred, fear, cynicism, and paranoia. You only have to look at your FaceBook feed to know this is true.
Young girls are crying out for validation; selfie after selfie, screaming look at me, notice me, love me! Women are more focused on finding a man than knowing Jesus. Our men are falling, becoming hard, confused, and distant. The youth are running amuck and undisciplined. The church is remaining silent on issues of the heart. Yes, it is a heart issue.
Yesterday I saw an upsetting display of hatred coming from neighborhood children no older than 10 years of age. One of the little boys was yelling racial slurs to two young guys walking down the opposite side of the street. The little boy chased down the street yelling at them and picked something up to throw at them. I put on my mothers best voice and yelled across the street from our balcony to the little boy that he better knock it off and go home before I tell his mother. Thankfully his mother heard the commotion and yelled for him to get his “you know what” home. Children are not born with this hatred. It is a learned disease, from home or school.
Now, tell me we don’t have a mission field right outside our back yard!
We kid ourselves if we think this is not a spiritual battle. Hostility, hatred and fear fill our streets, airwaves, social media, and homes.
We can speak as eloquent as we want, give the best motivational speech and fill our altars and pack our pews, but if we are not making disciples of Christ we are only creating false converts. We can be 100% PC, never offend anyone, and have friends and likes by the thousands, but if we are not speaking His truth and loving, then we are nothing more than salt to be thrown on a dung hill.
Sigh, there are so many distractions and attacks. That ol’ devil has us believing we can’t do anything. But God says…
I can do all things [which He has called me to do] through Him who strengthens and empowers me [to fulfill His purpose—I am self-sufficient in Christ’s sufficiency; I am ready for anything and equal to anything through Him who infuses me with inner strength and confident peace.] Philippians 4:13
So, no, I don’t have anything witty or profound to say, just some thoughts that have been weighing on me.
Will you please agree with me in prayer.
God, You have entrusted me with the pen. Help me to write what You say. My creativity is running low and so is my energy. You have planted me in the center of a mission field, though it is uncomfortable, Holy Spirit I am willing to be outside of my comfort zone if the Father be glorified.
Holy Spirit, stir us to a place of repentance and action so we will rise up and be Your church. Give courage to the fearful, strength to the weak, and a Holy boldness to the introverts. Take control of our mouths and let only Your words come from our lips. Give us new eyes and a new heart so we can see the lost as You see them, someone worth dying for.
Forgive us for our apathy, let us be broken before You so You will build us up. We call Your remanent to come forth, we ask for a fresh infilling of Your Spirit, we speak to things that are not and we know they are, because You said so. We call Your sons and daughters home. Let us not be comfortable where we are, but to be content in where You have placed us, knowing it is for purpose and for Your glory.
Pour out Your Spirit of intercession so we can be Your church, Your body, Your voice. We want to see the lame walk, the blind see, and the dry bones come alive. Let Your love shine through us so we may pierce the darkness that engulfs our nation(s). Revive us, God!
We can do this only through and with You. Lead us and we will follow.
In Jesus Name, the Name above ALL names!
Amen. So be it!
Be Free & Stay Free
Now on the first day of the week Mary Magdalene came to the tomb early, while it was still dark, and saw the stone [already] removed from the [groove across the entrance of the] tomb. So she ran and went to Simon Peter and to the other disciple (John), whom Jesus loved (esteemed), and said to them, “They have taken away the Lord out of the tomb, and we do not know where they have laid Him!”
So Peter and the other disciple left, and they were going to the tomb. And the two were running together, but the other disciple outran Peter and arrived at the tomb first. Stooping down and looking in, he saw the linen wrappings [neatly] lying there; but he did not go in.
Then Simon Peter came up, following him, and went into the tomb and saw the linen wrappings [neatly] lying there; and the [burial] face-cloth which had been on Jesus’ head, not lying with the [other] linen wrappings, but rolled up in a place by itself. So the other disciple, who had reached the tomb first, went in too; and he saw [the wrappings and the face-cloth] and believed [without any doubt that Jesus had risen from the dead]. For as yet they did not understand the Scripture, that He must rise from the dead. Then the disciples went back again to their own homes.
But Mary [who had returned] was standing outside the tomb sobbing; and so, as she wept, she stooped down and looked into the tomb; and she saw two angels in white sitting there, one at the head and one at the feet, where the body of Jesus had lain.
And they said to her, “Woman, why are you crying?” She told them, “Because they have taken away my Lord, and I do not know where they have laid Him.”
After saying this, she turned around and saw Jesus standing there, but she did not know that it was Jesus. Jesus said to her, “Woman, why are you crying? For whom are you looking?”
Supposing that He was the gardener, she replied, “Sir, if you are the one who has carried Him away from here, tell me where you have put Him, and I will take Him away.”
Jesus said to her, “Mary!”
She turned and said to Him in Hebrew, “Rabboni!” (which means, Teacher).
Jesus said to her, “Do not hold Me, for I have not yet ascended to the Father; but go to My brothers and tell them, ‘I am ascending to My Father and your Father, and to My God and your God.’”
Mary Magdalene came, reporting to the disciples that she had seen the Lord and that He had said these things to her.
Jesus among His Disciples
So when it was evening on that same day, the first day of the week, though the disciples were [meeting] behind barred doors for fear of the Jews, Jesus came and stood among them, and said, “Peace to you.” After He said this, He showed them His hands and His side. When the disciples saw the Lord, they were filled with great joy. Then Jesus said to them again, “Peace to you; as the Father has sent Me, I also send you [as My representatives].”
And when He said this, He breathed on them and said to them, “Receive the Holy Spirit. If you forgive the sins of anyone they are forgiven [because of their faith]; if you retain the sins of anyone, they are retained [and remain unforgiven because of their unbelief].”
But Thomas, one of the twelve [disciples], who was called Didymus (the twin), was not with them when Jesus came. So the other disciples kept telling him, “We have seen the Lord!” But he said to them, “Unless I see in His hands the marks of the nails, and put my finger into the nail prints, and put my hand into His side, I will never believe.”
Eight days later His disciples were again inside the house, and Thomas was with them. Jesus came, though the doors had been barred, and stood among them and said, “Peace to you.” Then He said to Thomas, “Reach here with your finger, and see My hands; and put out your hand and place it in My side. Do not be unbelieving, but [stop doubting and] believe.” Thomas answered Him, “My Lord and my God!” Jesus said to him, “Because you have seen Me, do you now believe? Blessed[happy, spiritually secure, and favored by God] are they who did not see[Me] and yet believed [in Me].”There are also many other signs (attesting miracles) that Jesus performed in the presence of the disciples, which are not written in this book; but these have been written so that you may believe [with a deep, abiding trust] that Jesus is the Christ (the Messiah, the Anointed), the Son of God; and that by believing [and trusting in and relying on Him] you may have life in His name.
If I speak with the tongues of men and of angels, but have not love [for others growing out of God’s love for me], then I have become only a noisy gong or a clanging cymbal [just an annoying distraction]. And if I have the gift of prophecy [and speak a new message from God to the people], and understand all mysteries, and [possess] all knowledge; and if I have all [sufficient] faith so that I can remove mountains, but do not have love [reaching out to others], I am nothing. If I give all my possessions to feed the poor, and if I surrender my body to be burned, but do not have love, it does me no good at all.
Love endures with patience and serenity, love is kind and thoughtful, and is not jealous or envious; love does not brag and is not proud or arrogant. It is not rude; it is not self-seeking, it is not provoked [nor overly sensitive and easily angered]; it does not take into account a wrong endured. It does not rejoice at injustice, but rejoices with the truth [when right and truth prevail]. Love bears all things [regardless of what comes], believes all things [looking for the best in each one], hopes all things [remaining steadfast during difficult times], endures all things [without weakening].
Love never fails [it never fades nor ends]. But as for prophecies, they will pass away; as for tongues, they will cease; as for the gift of special knowledge, it will pass away. For we know in part, and we prophesy in part [for our knowledge is fragmentary and incomplete]. But when that which is complete and perfect comes, that which is incomplete and partial will pass away. When I was a child, I talked like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child; when I became a man, I did away with childish things. For now [in this time of imperfection] we see in a mirror dimly [a blurred reflection, a riddle, an enigma], but then [when the time of perfection comes we will see reality] face to face. Now I know in part [just in fragments], but then I will know fully, just as I have been fully known [by God].
And now there remain: faith [abiding trust in God and His promises], hope [confident expectation of eternal salvation], love [unselfish love for others growing out of God’s love for me], these three [the choicest graces]; but the greatest of these is love.
1 Corinthians 13
If you could go back in time and change one thing, have one do-over, what would it be? Have you ever wondered?
I had several answers when I first thought about this question. My mind quickly recalled times when I said yes when I should have said no, or said no when I should have said yes, yada yada. My answers always involved someone else.
A lesson I am learning and trying to practice (God help me), is to stop pointing fingers, getting my feelings hurt, and shrinking back from the only person I can change… me.
In a spirit of thankfulness, I am reminded of Romans 8:28, and I have to thank God that He is true to His word. Instead of walking in regret I can hold my head up and learn from the past and not carry it into the future (or the present).
While it may be true that the past has formed us into who we are today, truer still is His grace and forgiveness can turn all the ashes into beauty, if we let Him. Healing and deliverance is found only through Him.
One thing I have learned, is to ask for help.
I have created many a mess by not asking for help. Pride and fear kept me silent. I was drowning with a smile on my face and the whole time I was saying, “I’m good, I’m fine, I got this under control.”
Here’s the thing about lessons; they are learned as an after affect, and sometimes experience can be an unforgiving tutor.
I think about the prodigal son and if he would have asked for help sooner, maybe he would have never had to be a connoisseur of pig slop.
There is safety in numbers. We are to surround ourselves with other Christian believers. The Father, who sent His Son to reconcile us to Him, is a Father of intimate relationship. Since He has gone through such great effort to restore us into fellowship with Him, we can trust and believe that relationship with His body is important. We were not created to be an island unto ourselves. We are not wounded animals to go off into isolation and die by ourselves. We were created in His image and likeness to be in communion with Him, through Him, and with others.
As I walk this out, and sometimes I may stumble, I am learning I am only responsible for myself, my own actions, and before my actions turn into reactions, ask for help.
What do you think? I would love to hear from you, feel free to leave a comment below.
Be Free & Stay Free
The question we all ask ourselves, huh. Who am I?
For many, the answer to this question changes depending on the season. Sadly too many base the answer on emotions, experiences, or what others have said about us; as if someones opinions define us.
Times and seasons change. Society is a fickle people. With the ever increasing need in the world to be the best, it is not hard to understand why so many feel they are in competition. It is no wonder so many young girls are insecure and so many women are broken. Shew, it is even a no wonder why men do not even know how to be men anymore.
We have been robbed of our individual gifts and uniqueness. In all of the trying to fit in and be like everyone else to please someone else…
You have heard the saying it is the suit that makes the man and the shoes that make the woman. Nope, that is not true and I have the sore feet to prove it.
The beauty industry is making a lot of money on peoples insecurities. Don’t misunderstand me, I am not saying there is anything wrong with dressing up the outside, there is nothing wrong with accentuating the beauty we already have. Shew, some of us need some help. But, my dear friend, beneath everything, all the make-up, newest fashion, hair color, you are still you and I am still me. No amount of make-up is going to take the place of the inner peace and desire for acceptance we all have.
There is only One who can give you the peace you yearn for and He already accepts you. He created you, you are His masterpiece, with His very own hands He formed you. He put so much detail in you that He knows the number of hairs on your head, He knows how many times your heart will beat, He knows where you will live, He knows your first day and your last breath. In addition to all of this, He gave you gifts and entrusted you with gifts to use to glorify Him.
While you may be looking around and comparing yourself to others, you do not even recognize what and Who He has placed in you and you do not see the one person only you can reach, or problem only you have the answer to. So you walk around, bent over, looking at your feet instead of lifting your head and knowing who you really are and Who you belong to. Royalty should not live like paupers. It is unbecoming to wallow in the pig pen and eat slop when your Father is the King.
And we all, with unveiled face, continually seeing as in a mirror the glory of the Lord, are progressively being transformed into His image from [one degree of] glory to [even more] glory, which comes from the Lord, [who is] the Spirit. 2 Corinthians 3:18
I am going to get personal with you for a minute, OK. I didn’t meet Jesus personally until I was already an adult in my 30’s. Before Christ, I had already racked up a long laundry list of what was wrong with me; from childhood and on. I made choices based on fear and insecurities that were ingrained in me. I believed every lie and was on the path to confirm every lie was truth.
After I met Christ, although all my sins were forgiven, I still harbored guilt and shame. Of course this was concealed very well; so well that I didn’t even fully realize I was carrying all the heavy baggage until later…
Then little by little my slip started to show (know what I mean, ladies?). So I tried to pull it up, tuck it in, cover it up, because I am a Christian and Christians aren’t suppose to have these issues. The more I tried to cover it the heavier it got and on top of it all I took it upon myself to add shame, guilt, regret, and perhaps a lil’ unforgiveness to my suitcase.
I looked like this…
I just couldn’t understand why everything was going to pot; no matter how much I prayed or read my Bible. I was good at encouraging other people and believing the word, God’s promises for them, but not for myself… I was a mess.
You know why? Because I was sitting outside of the palace eating in the pig pen. I knew I was saved. I knew God loved me (even though I couldn’t understand why), but His word said He did so He must, right.
It is like locking your door, but leaving your window open. Sooner or later the thief is going to try to break in and steal your stuff.
Jesus told us the thief comes to steal, kill, and destroy. He also told us that Satan is the father of lies. When we believe anything contrary to what God’s word says, we are to cast it down, because it is a lie. We are not to believe it! But it doesn’t stop here!
When you know God’s word, you can recognize the lie and you must combat the lie with the truth! You can’t just ignore the devil and hope he goes away. No! You have to kick him out! He takes your silence as agreement. You have to open your mouth.
God has already set you free! To walk in His freedom you must take the steps. If you want out of the prison cell of shame, regret, fear, insecurity then you must walk through the open door.
Dear prodigal, do you not know your Father is waiting for you? Sweet woman, there is no need to die of thirst at the well when He gives you springs of life and a refreshing that overflows and never stops.
The next time that lying demon whispers in your ear you put your foot down, stand your ground and fight back with God’s truth!
I am leaving you with some thoughts, ammunition, to get you started. Read it, meditate on it, remember it, AND BELIEVE IT!
- I am the salt of the earth –Matthew 5:13I
- I am the light of the world –Matthew 5:14
- I am a child of God -John 1:12
- I am a friend of Jesus –John 15;15
- I am chosen and appointed –John 15:16
- I am a joint heir with Christ –Romans 8:14-17
- God’s Spirit dwells in me –1 Corinthians 6:19
- I am a saint –Ephesians 1:1
- I am blessed with every spiritual blessing –Ephesians 1:3
- I am righteous and holy –Ephesians 4:24
- I am delivered –Colossians 1:13
- I am chosen of God –Colossians 3:2
- I am an enemy of the devil –1 Peter 5:8
- I am a child of God –1 John 3:1-2
- The devil can’t touch me –1 John 5:18
- I am part of the bride of Christ –Revelation 21:9
This is God’s word and God doesn’t lie. This is the truth of who you are!
If you would like to share more of Gods promises to us, please leave a comment below.
Until I write again, or we meet in heaven…
Be Free & Stay Free
I do not live in Mayberry or Mr. Rogers Neighborhood, but I still like my neighborhood. I have only lived here for a short while, but I have gotten to know some of the neighbors and people and businesses close by. As an extrovert I tend to say hello, good morning, or good evening to nearly everyone I come in contact with.
Because I have a little dog who loves to be walked I get the opportunity to be out and about the neighborhood several times a day. My little buddy is a people person and he loves to meet new people, too. Actually, I think he just enjoys all the extra attention, In fact, because of him I have made new friends with other women who walk their dogs. Dog people are friendly people… just sayin’
Everyone knows JJ (that’s my lil’ buddy’s name). Most of the people I meet are friendly and harmless. Some are lonely and just need to talk to someone. For some reason a little dog helps to break barriers and people are more inclined to open up and tell you all about themselves. I like people, so I will smile and listen and try to leave them with an encouraging word.
But then there are people who are not good people. I am sure I do not have to draw a word picture for you to understand what I am saying. We have to use wisdom and practice boundaries for our own safety. Sometimes it is best to just cross the street and walk in the opposite direction.
I grew up in a big city, but I now live in a smaller city. Being a city dweller I am well aware of precautions and safety measures we have to take. For example, while it may be fine to say “good morning” to a neighbor, it is not wise to bring a stranger into your home. While I do not live in fear and paranoia, I do lock my doors. If someone knocks on my door I will not just open the door without first knowing who it is. There are some people that I do know and I still would not just open my door or invite them in.
I may share the same zip code as my neighbors, but I do not share the same address.
When my children were small I was even more careful. I took great care to be sure they were safe. I allowed no one into my home who could harm them, be a bad influence on them, or steal from us. As a parent it was my responsibility to be sure my children were safe. And I am just a mere woman. No matter how good of a parent I am, God is a greater Father. Which brings me to the point of this post…
If you try to enter a home uninvited… you are a trespasser.
If you do not know the owner of the home… you are a stranger.
If you mean harm against the family in the home… you are a criminal.
If the Judge finds you guilty and throws you in prison… He is just.
There is a half truth circulating that is meant to deceive and to kill you. We all know what a half truth is… it is a lie. This is how the deceiver tricks you. He tells you a half truth and because you do not know the full truth you will believe it, because it sounds familiar.
Does this sound familiar to you?
“God is love, we are all His children and He would never send anyone to hell. If you believe in God you will go to heaven. It doesn’t matter how you live, He understands.”
This is a very dangerous deception!
Here is the truth…
Yes! God loves you. He loves all of us, saint and sinner. If you believe in God then good, even Satan believes in God, but Satan isn’t going to heaven. Satan was thrown down from heaven and a place called hell was created just for him and his followers.
And it does matter how you live! If it didn’t matter then He would not have told us to repent. Of course He understands, that is why He died on the cross for us. Just as He gave His life for us so we may live, we must give our life so we can be born again and live for Him. It is through rebirth we become heirs with Jesus and we are adopted into His family as sons and daughters. His death and resurrection has reconciled us back to the Father and now all that He has is ours. We share in the inheritance of eternal life.
It is only through faith in Jesus Christ we are saved. It is not by being a really good person. There are many “good” people and old grandmothers going to hell. Not because God doesn’t love them or because He is unfair. But because they have chosen to deny Jesus and refuse the free gift of salvation. They are guilty and the penalty for their guilt (sin) is death (hell) and this is a just judgement.
There are many people in prison right now, maybe even on death row, and ex-cons, drop-outs, wash-ups, thieves, unwed mothers, you know… people who would clear a sidewalk; who will be accepted into heaven. Don’t believe me? Remember the thief on the cross?
No matter how much you think you know… you better know Jesus.
I don’t write this to condemn anyone. Rather, I hope this challenges you to pause and ask yourself, do I know Him? Does He know me?
We all have our struggles. Trust me… no, don’t take my word for it, take His word for it.
“Come to Me, all who are weary and heavily burdened [by religious rituals that provide no peace], and I will give you rest [refreshing your souls with salvation]. Take My yoke upon you and learn from Me[following Me as My disciple], for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest (renewal, blessed quiet) for your souls. For My yoke is easy [to bear] and My burden is light.” Matthew 11:28-30
No matter where you are, you do not have to stay there. You want peace of mind? Then know you can’t save yourself, no one else can save you either, only He can. No matter how far you have fallen, you can still come home to Jesus.
He is a place of refuge for those who call on Him. He is a good Father and He is preparing a place for you and He will come back and collect His children.
Home with Him is a safe place to be. You have no need to fear. Just as a good father here on earth will not let anything in the home to cause his children harm, you better believe God is even greater!
The next time you hear someone preach salvation without repentance… run from them!
Your best life is not now, your choices do matter, you matter,
If you are truly His then your character will become like His, the fruit of His Spirit in you will be evident. The things you used to do will no longer be appealing to you, because quite simply…. you are dead to the old you and alive in Christ. With God this is possible.
Listen! We are all HIs creation, but we are not all His children. Many are called, but few are chosen.
If you want to know peace, then you better know Jesus.
Call on Him now while He may still be found.
If you have any questions, or if you want to follow Jesus and just don’t know what the next step is, then contact me or leave a comment and I will be happy to introduce you to Him.
Be Free & Stay Free
I cling to the cross when the storms roll in and the dark clouds try to distort my vision. The work Christ did and completed on the cross is my anchor.
When the waves tempt me to row in the opposite direction, Jesus calls me to the stern and He tells me to rest.
I have no need to fear when the One who created heaven and earth and speaks to every storm (even the waves obey Him) holds me in the palm of His hand.
My eyes do not have to see what my faith believes.
Be Free & Stay Free
This morning I was challenged through a devotional by Oswald Chambers. The title of this day’s devotion was: Is He Really My Lord? How is that for a point blank question? It is definitely a call for introspection, isn’t it?
Oswald goes on to say; “Have you received a ministry from the Lord? If so, you must be faithful to it- to consider your life valuable only for the purpose of fulfilling that ministry. Knowing that you have done what Jesus sent you to do, think how satisfying it will be to hear Him say to you, “Well done, good and faithful servant.” … He is not offering us a choice of how we can serve Him; He is asking for absolute loyalty to His commission, a faithfulness to what we discern when we are in the closest possible fellowship with God. If you have received a ministry from the Lord Jesus, you will know that the need is not the same as the call- the need is the opportunity to exercise the call. The call is to be faithful to the ministry you received when you were in true fellowship with Him.”
Did you read what I read? Do you hear what I heard?
This is a challenge to quit with the excuses, whatever that excuse may be; and sometimes the excuses can seem so innocent and legit… but they are just excuses.
In these final hours, the devil knows his time is short. He is an expert at what he does, he has been doing it for thousands of years. 1 Peter says it like this, that ENEMY of yours, the devil, prowls around LIKE a roaring lion, fiercely hungry, seeking someone to devour. How do we defeat him?
Be sober minded,well balanced,self disciplined,be alert and cautious at ALL times
But, how do we do this? I mean really? We can’t do it on our own. This is how: we STAY close to Him! We cast all our cares, our worries, our anxieties, once and for all on Him, because He cares about us with deepest affection and watches over us very carefully.
It is easy to get side tracked, distracted, remember… the devil is a master con-artist.
We look at the world and it is easy to see how the devil is moving. Just 2 minutes going through your facebook newsfeed will show you the devil’s handi-work. But, in your personal lives, do you see it? Do you recognize the attacks? The subtle roadblocks he sets up?
You may think you are just one person and what does it really matter in the whole scheme of things. But, let me tell you, you matter! God has called you for a purpose. You heard the saying a chain is only as strong as the weakest link? My friend, you are not weak! God has given you an arsenal to defeat the enemy and to make an impact for His Kingdom. You may have got off the path, you lost sight of the vision, the enemy has filled you with doubt, fear, and unbelief; he has hit you in your finances, your relationships, your health, and your mind. He has you believing that you are a failure and unworthy and you look in the mirror and you see a hypocrite. STOP IT! This is not how God sees you! Humble yourself, because it is not about you, it is what Jesus has already done.
What has God called you to do? What dream has He given you?
Does it seem too big? Then good! Because He is big and He has called you for a greater purpose and He promised to never leave you and that He will finish what He has started in you. He said to not be afraid, so to be afraid is to align yourself with the enemy. Partner with God. Be of courage. Be of faith. Believe!
To know what you should be doing and not do it, is sin. Repent! Turn to Him and believe. Trust Him! One step at a time, in faith, will move a mountain. To sit still in fear is to be dinner for the “lion wannabe.”
Finish your race with joy, and the ministry which you received from the Lord Jesus.. Acts 20:24
At the risk of being vulnerable and judged, I am going to share something personal and trust God will use this part of my testimony to help someone; even if it is only one person. I have always tried to be true and honest with my writing. My heart is to reach and minister to the lost and hurting; but to be completely honest we must share our testimony and not be afraid or ashamed. When we can be open, transparent, and fearless, then we know we have been healed.
I am in a group of wonderful ladies from all walks of life. Everyday I read their posts, some make me laugh, some I cry, and some I learn from. The other day a woman posted requesting prayer for her daughter as she was having a rainbow baby.
A “rainbow baby” is a baby that is born following a miscarriage, stillbirth, neonatal death or infant loss.In the real world, a beautiful and bright rainbow follows a storm and gives hope of things getting better. … A rainbow baby brings light but by no means replaces the angel baby. (kickscount.org)
Suddenly, without warning, I felt a knot in my stomach and a grief. This caught me off guard. The realization hit me; I have four (grown) children and three of them were rainbow babies. Every other pregnancy I had ended in miscarriage.
With the exception of one (I had a friend come alongside me), I grieved alone and silently for each. I was pregnant and then suddenly I wasn’t. I was carrying a baby and then suddenly I wasn’t. It was surreal. I mean, what do you do with a miscarriage? You never held the baby in your arms, you don’t even know if it was a boy or girl, so the baby has no name. For everyone else the child never existed, but for a mother carrying the baby in her womb, no matter how short, there can be no denial a life was lost.
This is where I am going to be real with you. In addition to the sadness of losing a baby, I also had guilt. I suppose in a way I didn’t feel I had a right to grieve and I probably deserved what happened. Maybe this is why I grieved alone, because I didn’t want anyone else to know why I felt so guilty and condemned.
I married my first husband very young and was a young mother. After my first baby was born, we found out I was pregnant again. My husband didn’t want another baby, things were not going well between us, I was young, he and his family were in the medical profession, so I believed them when they told me “it” was not a baby and I should have an abortion. I was young, I didn’t know Jesus at the time, and even though it did not sit right with me…
“Pro-choice” (and I use that term loosely) people will tell you the life inside you is not a baby; in fact “it’s” not even life. They will paint the picture of just a “blood clot” to help you make the decision to have an abortion. After all, we are a modern day society and women have “choices/options” now.
I remember sitting in Planned Parenthood waiting for them to call my name. I was alone. Apparently the pregnancy was so insignificant that (my then) husband would not even go with me. There were other young girls in the waiting room, some alone, some with a boyfriend, and it almost seemed as though we were waiting at a dentist office to get a tooth pulled. Still, inside, my stomach was turning, it didn’t seem right. I wanted to run out of there, but my husband…
So I allowed myself to believe “it” wasn’t a baby. I pushed it out of my mind. I blocked any feelings. But, privately, I felt… sad.
After this I had three more babies; beautiful and healthy daughters. In between each baby after my first, I had a miscarriage. I never really felt I had a right to grieve because of what I had done. I felt it was a rightful and deserving punishment for me. How could I possibly have a right to grieve when I participated in the death of the baby I was suppose to protect?
You see, I have shoved this so far down and denied it for too long. I never allowed myself to feel any kind of grief or loss, because I was afraid. I was scared of my feelings, regret, and truth. I was ashamed.
Why after all this time was I hit with this? It does debunk the myth that women who choose abortion will heal and will not have any residual emotions, doesn’t it?
Perhaps this is Gods way of saying to me, now is the time to share my testimony and receive complete healing. Healing is not only for the physical, it is emotional and spiritual. When we allow God to come in, He wants to heal us completely.
What I did not know then (30 years ago), I do know now; and that is Jesus came to set us free!
As far as the east is from the west, so far has He removed our transgressions from us. Psalm 103:12
This I can say confidently, it is well with my soul. I know when I get to heaven I will see my babies who have grown up before the Lord.
If I could do it all over again, of course I would choose differently, but God knows.
My dear friend, does this speak to you? Perhaps right now you are facing some tough choices. Can I tell you, a pregnancy may not have been wanted or planned, but there is no baby that is a mistake. We may sin, but a baby is not the sin, a baby is a blessing. You have other options besides abortion. Choose life! If you are not in a position, or want to be a mother right now, please know there are people out there who can and want to provide a loving home for your baby and support for you.
Every life is precious. Jesus has this to say about you and about your baby…
“Before I formed you in the womb I knew you [and approved of you as My chosen instrument], and before you were born I consecrated you [to Myself as My own];
I have appointed you as a prophet to the nations.” Jeremiah 1:5
If you have already traveled the dark path of abortion, there is still hope. There is forgiveness and healing in Jesus. You do not have to hide from Him. Come to Him and let Him cleanse you and make you new. You have not committed the unpardonable sin. Healing comes with repentance, my friend.
If you are struggling and you feel alone please reach out. There are Pregnancy Support Centers across our nation with wonderful loving people who want to help you. They will come along side you and walk the journey of life with you.
A baby is a blessing. Choose life.
Be Free & Stay Free
I am sharing this post from another blogger, Brandon J Adams. I believe he hits the nail on the head with this. Its an excellent post with exhortation to share your faith, even when the simple is hard. If you like this post I encourage you to check out his blog for more of his writings, I know I get blessed everytime I read his blog.
Be Free & Stay Free
“But you will receive power when the Holy Spirit comes on you; and you will be my witnesses in Jerusalem, and in all Judea and Samaria, and to the ends of the earth.” (Acts 1:8)