So… you want true intimacy?

God has created sex between a husband and wife to be pleasurable. To be an act of worship and submission to one another. This is an adoration that is pleasing to God. This is a deep recognition of the gift that God has placed before you, the gift of a lifetime love and lover.

There is a time and a season for all things.

Courtship is ministry to the heart. If God is the center of your relationship, this will be a time when your heart can safely open without fear. This is a time to establish trust and friendship with the one that could possibly be your spouse. This is when the foundation is laid. Without this foundation, when the storms come your house will be destroyed if all you have based your affections on is the lusty desires and immediate, but temporary, satisfactions.

Intercourse causes soul ties. This is why you are tore apart after a break-up when you have been physically intimate with someone outside of marriage, because you have given that special gift away to someone who has not made the commitment to love you forever and to forsake all others.

soulish love

Sex outside of marriage leads to distrust. Can you truly trust someone who has given themselves to you? If that person claims to love you, yet will not wait until marriage, can you truly trust them to have the self control and integrity it will take to maintain a marriage when adversity comes?

The value and integrity of marriage has been compromised in our society. You see it in the movies, hear it in music lyrics, read it in print, and yes…. you may even see it in the church.

The truth of the matter is this; God did not create us to be alone. He created us for fellowship and relationships, first to Him and then to our spouse. This is why woman was created. In all of His beautiful creation, and He saw that is was good, He knew that man can not be alone. We were created in His image and He is a God of intimate relationship.

He created woman from the rib of man, flesh of his flesh and bone of his bone, so that we can truly be one. This does not mean that woman is below man, or even to be above man, but we are to be his helpmate. We have been created with intentional purpose.

Have you ever put something together and afterwards found that you have extra screws left? Yes? Assuming all of the tools and parts needed were there, nothing more, nothing less, and you are left with some extra screws in your hand, you can know that somewhere something is missing. Sure, you may have put whatever it is together, but it is not going to be sturdy or as strong as it could have been had everything been in place. This is the same in marriage. Can we truly reach our fullest potential if we are not rightly joined?

We make excuses. We deceive ourselves. We say, “but we love each other so what does it matter?” or “We are friends with benefits and this will not hurt me.” My dear sister, it does matter and it will hurt you. It will destroy you.

After the newness of the relationship, after you have given him all that you have, when the relationship ends, he will take a piece of you with him. He will move onto someone else, you will move onto someone else and the cycle will continue. Before you realize it, you will find that you have given so many pieces of yourself away to others, that when you do meet that someone that is suppose to be your forever someone, you will have nothing left to give him. Chances are, you will not even recognize him or appreciate him, because you will be so scarred and blinded by your past, that your past will destroy your future.

You will not recognize him because he will not speak the same language as the men of your past. He will not offer to tarnish you with his touch that he is withholding for his wife. Because you have let other men “validate” you through sex, only to tear you down, you will not recognize the true intimacy that he offers. You will feel uncomfortable with it. Because he will not stroke your sexual ego. He will tell you that you are beautiful, but you won’t be able to hear it, because when other men have said that to you, they were looking only at your outward appearance. This man will acknowledge  your physical beauty, but he will recognize and desire the true beauty that does not come from the outward appearance.

This man will want your heart and to give you his. But, such a gift can not be cradled with dirty hands.

I say this not to condemn you or to destroy hope. I say this so that we, as women, can really take an inventory and know where we are lacking. To know our motives and our desires. To fully understand our callings and learn what we must do to walk in the integrity that our calling and our namesake demands.

If you have been and/or are in a relationship where you have compromised, recognize it for what it is. Sin. You cannot sugar coat it or excuse it, it is what it is. It is death.

I encourage you, get your heart right with God. Submit yourself to Him and let Him complete the work that He has begun in you. This is the only way you will ever be able to experience the true intimacy that He desires you to have.

When you have done this, set yourself apart for God (not from God) and allowed Him to heal you, then when that righteous man enters your life, you will recognize him and he will give you his heart and be worthy to receive yours.

If you want true intimacy, then I submit to you… abstain from physical intimacy.

“…do not awaken love until the time is right.” Song of Solomon 2:7

Be Free & Stay Free



There was once a little girl who wanted to be good enough.

Everything she did, she tried her best. Her hope was to hear her father say that he was proud of her. She tried very hard to please him. She was the fastest runner and she delighted in hearing him say that. She tried to be mothers helper, watching after her younger sister and brother. She tried her best in school to get good grades to earn the approval of her father; to stay in his good graces. But, it seemed, no matter how hard she tried, she was never good enough. Her father was an angry man and very scary. So, this little girl began to learn how to protect herself. This is when that shell started to form around her heart and this is when her foundation began to crack.

The little girl became an adolescent Realizing that she would never be good enough, she gave up trying to please him. Rebellion entered the house and she welcomed it. If she could not be good enough for her father, she would be good enough with her friends.  Her choice in friends were not always good. Even though she was a small girl in size, her outward appearance was strong. But, inside, deep inside… she was scared. She would sometimes look at other girls and imagine if they were happy. Did they have parents who loved them? Did they feel safe at home? She wondered what it would be like to have their life. She longed to be good enough.

As a young woman she made herself good enough; well, kind of, in a distorted way. She felt good enough when a man paid attention to her. When he told her she was beautiful. When he showed kindness to her. She found herself in relationships that she should have never been in. In her search of being good enough, she gave away her most precious gift. She entered each new relationship with hope, only to walk away feeling empty and used. Soon she became distrusting, skeptical, cynical and fed up.  She decided she could not be good enough and realized that men were not good enough anyway.

Yet, there was still that longing, that need to hear the words “you are good enough.”

We all have that need. The need to love and be loved. To be noticed and to know that we matter. To not be invisible. We try to fill that need, that void, through relationships, food, addictions, medications, career; anything to numb that pain of loneliness and rejection. If we can stay busy enough we can convince ourselves that we are OK, even if we are not.

Dear sister, did you see yourself in the little girl, the adolescent or the young woman? Were you victim to the very people who were suppose to care for and protect you? What you missed, did you try to find and each time come up lacking? It is a sad place to be in.

You can not change your past, but you can make a choice for your future. You do not need to be a victim, you can be a conqueror. Some of what happened was not your fault. Some of it was. We have all made choices, and sadly, there are consequences to our choices and sometimes others suffer the consequences.  

It is not too late. The burdens that you have, they were not meant for you to carry. Jesus said, “Come to Me, all of you who are weary and carry heavy burdens and I will give you rest. Take My yoke upon you. Let Me teach you, because I am humble and gentle, and you will find rest for your souls. For My yoke fits perfectly, and the burden I give you is light”  Matthew 11:28-30

When we try to be “good enough” on our own, we will always fall short. When we look to others to validate us, we will be let down. We can not be “good enough” on our own and there is a spot in us that was never meant to be filled by others. There is only One who is enough and through Him we are good enough. In Him we find acceptance and love. In Him we find our strength and freedom to be vulnerable enough to be that beautiful woman He has created to us to be. In Him we find completeness and an intimate love that no one else can give.

I encourage you, my sweet sister, stop running, avoiding, denying, masking, hiding, manipulating and fighting. Cry out to Jesus, for He cares for you. He gave His life for you and in His resurrection you can find redemption. Let Him wash you and trust Him to finish the work that He has begun. You are precious in His eyes.

Even though a wrong has been committed against you, you still have to acknowledge your own wrongs. These wrongs are called sin. No matter what you have done, no matter how bad, He says that if you confess your sins to Him, He will forgive you. He will remember your sins no more and you become a new person. He will call you daughter and He is a Father that you can always trust to provide for you, care for you and protect you. He is the Father who will rejoice over you and will comfort you. In Him you will find no rejection. He will never leave you.

Be free and stay free.

Reminders of Hope


The orphans have a Father – Psalm 68:5 

The widow has a husband – Isaiah 61:10 

The sick are healed – Psalms 103:2-3 

The oppressed are now free – Galatians 5:1 

The hungry have bread – John 6:33-35 

The thirsty have water – John 4:13-14 

The mourner has comfort – Matthew 5:4 

The blind now see – Psalms 146:8 

The deaf now hear – Isaiah 35:5 

The mute now sing – Luke 1:64…

The lame walk – Matthew 11:5-6 

The weak are made strong – Isaiah 40:29-31 

The lost are found – 1 Peter 2:25 

The condemned are saved – John 5:24 

The depressed are filled with joy – Isaiah 49:13 

The rejected are now accepted Isaiah 53:5

Be Free & Stay Free

Forgotten Desires

Is anything to hard for God? Rise up, woman of God, dust that vision off, now is the time!

Click here for 2 Kings 4:8-37

Do you hold a desire so deep that you fear to voice it? Perhaps this desire was once worn on your sleeve, but when it did not come to pass, you hid it?

God, who searches our hearts, knows us intimately. He knows the deepest desires of our heart and it pleases Him to give us those desires when we delight in Him.

I can imagine the Shunammite woman when Elisha told her she would have a son. Can you imagine?

Here is a woman who wanted a son. Her husband was older in age and she has not conceived a  child. I am sure that after awhile she just accepted, came to terms with, that she would not have children, no son to care for her in her old age. Maybe it became easier to bury it deep, rather than have unfulfilled hope?

Have you ever done that? Have you stifled a dream because you grew weary of hoping and hoping and hoping? Is the pain less when you pretend it wasn’t that important to you anyway? Really?

Hope deferred does make the heart sick. We hope, we pray, we bargain, and when it seems to go unanswered, we shrug and say ‘I guess I am not meant to have…’ Do you do that? I know I have.

When what we desire manifest we cling to it. We must not cling too tight, or we will strangle it. We must not place the desire before God.

We must be like the Shunammite woman, we must not listen to the voice of doubt and fear. We must say, ‘Has God not said…’

Seek Him with everything within you. Do not let distractions or people stand in your way. Say and KNOW “it is well!”

v.28 So she said, “Did I ask a son of my Lord? Did I not say, ‘do not deceive me’?”

The Lord knows the desire of your heart. Do you not know that He has given it to you? He has also seen the counterfeits come and go to stir your hope to watch it fall. This has caused you to be afraid and to hide. You have buried it so deep in your heart to protect yourself. You have seen others receive what you have wanted and it seemed to just pass you by; as if you have been overlooked.

Let your faith be stirred. Let your hope arise and know…

Though your vision tarries, wait for it! For it will certainly come, it will not delay. It is for an appointed time, but in the end it will speak.

While you are waiting, continue in His presence. Delight yourself in Him. Have a thankful heart filled with gratitude for the Lord. When He says it is done, then it is done!

Is anything too hard for the Lord?

Be free & Stay free


Fighting the Enemy


The devil is not all knowing, but he is very clever. He is a trickster, a deceiver, the father of all lies. He knows how to get under your skin and make you feel defeated. But, you are not defeated! He doesn’t care if you are a Christian, he just doesn’t want you to be effective. He knows if you fall for his attack you will not be bold in your faith and your witness. He just wants to plant a little seed of doubt.

So, how do we fight the attacks of the enemy? Submit to God and resist him! If you resist him, he will flee. The battle is not yours, you are called to stand firm and resist the devil; no matter what manifestation his attack takes.

1. Prayer. Pray at all times and on every occasion in the power of the Holy Spirit. Ephesians 6:18

2. Fellowship. Where two or three are gathered together because they are His, He is in the midst of them.

3. Read the Bible. You must know His Word. The Word of God is full of power, sharper than any two edged sword. Hebrews 4:12

4. Confession. If we confess our sins to Him He is faithful and just to forgive. 1 John 1:9 If we confess our sins to each other we will be healed. The devil likes secrets. Jesus brings light. Confession and repentance will silence the devil because then he will have nothing on you.

5. Love. Perfect love cast out fear. If you are walking in love, knowing who you are and Who He is and who you are in Him, you will have no need to fear. Do not return evil with evil, but return it with good. Let Him love through you.

Finally, do not forget to suit up.

Put on the whole armor of God that you may be able to stand against the wiles of the devil. For we do not wrestle against flesh and blood, but against principalities, against powers, against the rulers of the darkness of this age, against spiritual hosts of wickedness in the heavenly places. Therefore take up the whole armor of God that you may be able to withstand in the evil day, and having done all, to stand. Stand therefore, having girded your waist with truth, having put on the breastplate of righteousness, and having shod your feet with the preparation of the Gospel of Peace; above all taking the shield of faith with which you will be able to quench all the fiery darts of the wicked one. And take the helmet of salvation, and the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God; praying always with all prayer and supplication in the Spirit, being watchful to this end with all perseverance and supplication for all the saints – Ephesians 6:11-18

Be Free & Stay Free

You Are What You Eat


If we say that we have fellowship with Him, and walk in darkness, we lie and do not practice the truth. 1 John 1:6

In these last days it is important that we wear the full armor of God and we spend time in His presence. We must learn to seek Him. We must purpose to be in His presence. It is only through Him are we able to have balance and recognize the peace that He gives us.

There are so many things and people that want to steal our peace. If we are not careful, we allow the distractions to enter and steal our peace. There is no joy if there is no peace.

I am calling you to take inventory.

  • What are your thoughts? What is occupying your thoughts?
  • Who are you spending time with? Does the relationship edify?
  • Who have you allowed into your inner circle?
  • Do you know the difference between “friends” and ministry?
  • Who do you turn to in your time of distress?
  • Are you surrounded by confusion and chaos?
  • Do you know how to set boundaries? 

There are times in our lives that we experience loss, grief, sadness…

Anyone who has entered that dark night of the soul can attest to the warfare. This will bring us face to face with ourselves and hopefully to our knees before the throne of God. This is when we must cling even tighter to the promise of God. Though we may feel forsaken during this trial of faith, we must remember He said He will never forsake us. This is the time to press in, fight those distractions, close the rest of the world out and get before Jesus.

In Acts 9 (click here to readwe learn about a woman who died and they called Peter to come to them. The woman was a disciple and I am sure that they called Peter to come mourn with them. They may not have expected what happened next. Peter arrives on the scene, the women are mourning. They are showing him the garments that she made while she was with them. They were speaking of her in past terms. Understandable, right? We do that at funerals, we display the pictures and talk about all they have done while they were alive. We give them a memorial. Memorials are for the dead.

What did Peter do? Did he sit down with the mourners and grieve and start recalling her life? Did he join the party for the dead? No, he put them out of the room, he shut them out! Then he knelt and prayed and turned to the body and said, “Tabitha, arise.” She then opened her eyes and saw Peter and sat up, then Peter took her by the hand and she stood up.

Had Peter joined the grieving party of the mourners she would not have been presented alive. She would have been buried.

Take note of what Peter did. He put the mourners out of the room, closed the door and spoke life.

If you are surrounded by nay sayers, people of unbelief, complainers, gossips, negativity, then you will become just like them. If you allow your thoughts to be constantly bombarded with the things that are contrary to Gods Word and His promise, then you will have unbelief and there is no faith in unbelief. There is no power in unbelief.

We would have to leave this world to be completely rid of all the negativity, but since we are in this world, even though we are not of this world, we must guard our hearts and take care in choosing who we allow into our inner circle.

As believers we are called to be a witness of His glory. We must always point to Christ. We can not fall into agreement with the world. Do NOT get sucked in! Choose wisely who you permit to speak into your life.

You heard the saying, you are what you eat. Keep feeding your mind with poison of defeat and that is what you will become. As followers of Christ we are more than conquerors. We are not called to be a defeated nation, but a Holy Nation. His nation does not add validity to what the world believes.

If you find yourself in a state of confusion, depression, heaviness; take inventory.

Healing, peace, joy and order comes from Him and Him alone. You will not find it in any other substitute. Close the doors to the mourners or you will be attending your own funeral. What good will you be to the commission if you yourself are buried?

Quit seeking for answers elsewhere. Get into your closet and seek Him. Put your armor on daily and do not let anything or anyone steal your peace.

Saturate yourself with His word, surround yourself with His people.

Be Free & Stay Free

When Church Hurts

Good sense makes one slow to anger, and it is his glory to overlook an offense.

Proverbs 19:11

 For where jealousy and selfish ambition exist, there will be disorder and every vile practice

James 3:16

 Do not take to heart all the things that people say, lest you hear your servant cursing you. Your heart knows that many times you yourself have cursed others.

Ecclesiastes 7:21-22

I open this post with three verses that we should read and take to heart.

Many people have fallen away from fellowship with other believers because of an offense. Quite possibly they left the church because their feelings got hurt, they were offended. As followers of Christ we know the world will hate us, because the world hated Jesus. It would seem the world has infiltrated the church and before we point fingers, we must ask ourselves; “Am I part of the problem?” Are we agents of reconciliation or are we sewing discord?

There is a reason we are not to forsake the gathering of the saints and we are to come together in fellowship. We need each other for support. We cannot stand alone. Fellowship with other believers strengthen us, encourages us and holds us accountable. Without this, we are vulnerable to the world. Remember, we are in this world, not of this world.

Some wounds are real and I do not want to ignore this, but often breaking of fellowship happens because of something petty. Rather than confront the person who has offended, in love, (see Matthew 18:15-17) some choose to walk away and say the church is full of hypocrites and I will never go back into that place. Then they brood over the offense and it becomes poison; not only to themselves, but to anyone who listens while they air the offense. This causes division.

I would have to wonder who we are really following. Are we following man or are we following God? Yes, hurts are real; Jesus knows this and He can heal the hurt. Man will let you down, Jesus never will. I am not suggesting that you stay where you are not welcome. I am suggesting to stay within the body that loves and follows Christ. You need the body and the body needs you. Do not retreat, do not hide.

The days are drawing short and His return is close. Be ready.

Be Free & Stay Free