Let Go & Grab Hold

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Being stuck is an unsettling feeling. It can feel like being stuck in a tar pit and no matter how hard you try you can’t lift your feet out of it. It grips you with the tentacles of anxiety, fear, depression, regret, despair…

I have never seen quicksand, but in movies, someone gets stuck in quicksand and the more they struggle to free themselves the quicker the quicksand pulls them down. “Don’t struggle, stay still.” Someone yells. Then the hero grabs a tree branch like a life preserver and says, “Grab hold, I will pull you out.”

Have you ever heard the phrase Point of No Return? Used in aviation it is a point in flite where a plane can not turn back to the starting point, but must continue forward, because to turn back would be dangerous, impossible or difficult, or prohibitively expensive.

Could you imagine being the pilot on the plane that is experiencing mechanical failures and does not have the fuel to return to point A and must continue forward with the uncertainty if they will make it and land safely? Do you feel like that pilot now? Is your fuel running low and the rug has been pulled out from under you and you are free falling and you’re not sure how you could possibly survive this? You can’t go back and you’re too tired to go forward?

I am writing this post to those who are hurting from broken relationships. This is to the wounded souls that have been discarded and feel stuck; you want to move forward, but you struggle to let go. What are you holding on to?

There is so much information about toxic relationships and narcissism that I am not going to focus on that in this post. If you are feeling stuck, then I think it is a given you have just come through a damaging relationship, and rather than drill the past, I want you to look at the horizon and move forward.

You have to reach a point when you can shake the dust off your shoes and move towards healing and wholeness. You know when you have reached the point of no return. You know if you continue the cycle of love bombing to discarding to hoovering to love bombing to discarding to hoovering to love bombing to discarding… it will destroy you. Nothing will change until you make the choice to change.

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It is not a good feeling to know you have been deceived and discarded like yesterdays trash. I get it, because I have been there. Sometimes you have to say, “Hey, it’s not me, it’s you.” And walk away. No, second thought, don’t walk, run! Get out of there!

Don’t stay stuck, grab the tree branch and let someone help pull you out of the pit.

1. There are licensed counselors, and/or pastors, out there that can help you. If you find yourself stuck in the pattern of a toxic relationship, please get help. If your mind is stuck like a broken record and you struggle to think clearly and you can’t stop obsessing, please get help. If you are having thoughts of hurting yourself because the pain is consuming you, get help immediately!
2. Take inventory. Do not count what has been lost but look at what remains and then build on it. You may have lost yourself a bit while you were in the relationship, but I assure you, you are still in there somewhere, find you and set you free.
3. Those things you used to enjoy doing but quit, start doing them again. Learn something new.
4. The friends you lost to the relationship, contact them. You may have to apologize to them, but your friends know you and love you, they will understand and come back around you and support you.
5. It is OK to grieve. Your heart was hurt, acknowledge that. It was real. But, my friend, do not stay there. Cry it out, scream if you have to, but then wash your face and stand up and walk forward.
6. Set goals. Start easy. Maybe early goals are to wake up by a certain time in the morning and make your bed, take a walk, call a friend, it doesn’t have to be a five year plan when you just need to get through the day. I think you will find that after awhile it will get easier.
7. Take care of yourself. Get rest. (BUT DON’T SLEEP TOO MUCH.) Eat healthy, stay away from sugary sweets. Drink plenty of water. Stay away from alcohol, or any other self-medication, trust me, it wont help, it just creates a whole new set of problems.
8. Do not date. One of the worse things you can do is get back out there and enter into another relationship. You need time to heal. Date too soon and you might find the cycle continuing, but with a different person. You are vulnerable right now and vulnerable people do not make healthy choices.

I found these resources to be helpful. Check them out.
RC Blakes Jr.
Richard Grannon
Surviving Narcissism

As a born-again Christian, I do have to tell you, if it were not for my relationship with Jesus Christ, I would have never made it through. When the Bible talks about peace that passes all understanding and how to attain it, I can testify that it is true.

And the peace of God [that peace which reassures the heart, that peace] which transcends all understanding, [that peace which] stands guard over your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus [is yours].
Finally, believers, whatever is true, whatever is honorable and worthy of respect, whatever is right and confirmed by God’s word, whatever is pure and wholesome, whatever is lovely and brings peace, whatever is admirable and of good repute; if there is any excellence, if there is anything worthy of praise, think continually on these things [center your mind on them, and implant them in your heart]. The things which you have learned and received and heard and seen in me, practice these things [in daily life], and the God [who is the source] of peace and well-being will be with you.
Philippians 4:7-9

There is only one way to know this kind of peace, and that is through Jesus, for He said:

Peace I leave with you; My [perfect] peace I give to you; not as the world gives do I give to you. Do not let your heart be troubled, nor let it be afraid. [Let My perfect peace calm you in every circumstance and give you courage and strength for every challenge.] -John 14:27

If you would like to know how you can have a relationship with Jesus, you can email me at stacey@crookedplacesstraight.com

Be Free & Stay Free

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