I recently watched a movie about a young girl who lived in her van. At first glance the girl seems to be happy and carefree. It started as a typical movie, young girl meets boy, they fall in love, boy proposes, she refuses him.
You are probably asking yourself what does this have to do with anything? Stay with me here…
When he proposed to her he offered her a chance to a “normal” life. He loved her and wanted to care for her. It would make since for her to accept his proposal. But when she turned her back to him the camera caught something on her face and I recognized it. It was the look of fear. It was not that she did not love him; she refused his proposal and a future with him because she was afraid.
Fear causes us to do foolish things, doesn’t it?
The young girl in the movie instantly went into a fight or flight mode when faced with change. For someone who has been where she is, I could see her wheels turning in her mind. She could risk losing him now by refusing him, in which case it would be “her choice,” this would be flight, to run-away or avoid the entire situation. Or she could risk losing him later when he realized she could not have a “normal” life, this would be fight, she could fight to maintain herself, until undoubtedly she would go down in flames, as she believed.
For anyone who grew up in a safe and nurturing environment, this whole scenario would be foreign. After all, who in their right mind would choose to live a homeless lifestyle in a broken down van and eat from the garbage and then when given an opportunity to a better life… refuse it? Why would someone be afraid of love, commitment, security, and safety? It would just make no sense to someone who has never experienced the depth of injury and loss that comes through long term abuse and neglect as a child.
Our bodies may mature and age, but hidden deep inside is a wounded child. Some of us may learn to go through the motions, the mechanics, of a functioning life. Look around you. Most people are good disguising their wounded selves. You just never know what inner war someone battles because people can be great pretenders. Maybe you are one of them?
Fear does not allow us to look beyond our past. It is a slow tightening noose around the neck of dreams, hope, possibility, and life. It is the glaring flashing sign that says “You can’t do this! You are not worthy! Someone is going to find out who you really are! You will be rejected! You are unwanted and unlovable!” Fear sets itself up as a roadblock to keep us from turning to the very One who can heal us.
There is no fear in love [dread does not exist]. But perfect (complete, full-grown) love drives out fear, because fear involves [the expectation of divine] punishment, so the one who is afraid [of God’s judgment] is not perfected in love [has not grown into a sufficient understanding of God’s love]. 1 John 4:18 (Amp)
Children are not always resilient, they are adaptable.
Resilient is able to recoil or spring back into shape after bending, stretching, or being compressed. To adapt is to modify, adjust to new conditions, to alter. When something is broken, there will be a scar, a crack, even when it is fixed it is not as it was before it was broken.
This reminds me of a teapot I once had. It was once one of my favorite possessions because it was so beautiful with delicate detailed hand painted flowers on the side of it. It was an inexpensive item I picked up at a yard sale, but to me, living on a budget, it was fancy. I enjoyed steeping my tea in it and then pouring it into my, just as delicate, tea cup. One day my teapot broke, it cracked and the handle came off. I tried to fix it by gluing the pieces back together, but it proved not to be resilient, it was no longer usable as a tea pot to hold liquid. However, it was adaptable as a potter. Not wanting to throw it away I made it into a small planter. To me it was just as beautiful, but it no longer served its original purpose.
You see, we are like that teapot. God created us in His image, kissed with the personal touch and breath of God, each one of us unique and finely detailed by His hand. Jeremiah 1:5 says, “Before I formed you in the womb I knew you [and approved of you as My chosen instrument]. And before you were born I consecrated you [to Myself as My own]. I have appointed you as a prophet to the nations.” When God saw everything He had made, including you and me, He called it very good. (Genesis 1:31) It is His desire that we walk in this knowledge and understanding.
In a perfect world we would all be born into a family with parents to guide and establish this truth in us. But, we do not live in a perfect world, we live in a fallen world, and because of wounds and injuries passed down from our parents (and generations before) we were not nurtured in the revelation of His truth. This cloud of hurt influences our lives and hides the truth. The injuries hinder us from seeing Gods perspective.
I have found great comfort in Romans 8:28, “And we know all things work together for good to those who love God, to those who are called according to His purpose.” This is great news! He has created you for His purpose.
You are not a teapot. You are far more valuable! He does not expect you to be resilient or to adapt. He will not glue you back together, He will make you new.
Do you believe this? Can you take a step of faith and trust Him to heal you?
Trust in His love for you. His love is perfect and you have no need to fear when you know His love for you is without measure and without end. You are free from fear of rejection and shame, He sees much deeper than the surface and if you allow Him, He will go right to the root and restore you.
Be Free & Stay Free