There was once a little girl who wanted to be good enough.
Everything she did, she tried her best. Her hope was to hear her father say that he was proud of her. She tried very hard to please him. She was the fastest runner and she delighted in hearing him say that. She tried to be mothers helper, watching after her younger sister and brother. She tried her best in school to get good grades to earn the approval of her father; to stay in his good graces. But, it seemed, no matter how hard she tried, she was never good enough. Her father was an angry man and very scary. So, this little girl began to learn how to protect herself. This is when that shell started to form around her heart and this is when her foundation began to crack.
The little girl became an adolescent Realizing that she would never be good enough, she gave up trying to please him. Rebellion entered the house and she welcomed it. If she could not be good enough for her father, she would be good enough with her friends. Her choice in friends were not always good. Even though she was a small girl in size, her outward appearance was strong. But, inside, deep inside… she was scared. She would sometimes look at other girls and imagine if they were happy. Did they have parents who loved them? Did they feel safe at home? She wondered what it would be like to have their life. She longed to be good enough.
As a young woman she made herself good enough; well, kind of, in a distorted way. She felt good enough when a man paid attention to her. When he told her she was beautiful. When he showed kindness to her. She found herself in relationships that she should have never been in. In her search of being good enough, she gave away her most precious gift. She entered each new relationship with hope, only to walk away feeling empty and used. Soon she became distrusting, skeptical, cynical and fed up. She decided she could not be good enough and realized that men were not good enough anyway.
Yet, there was still that longing, that need to hear the words “you are good enough.”
We all have that need. The need to love and be loved. To be noticed and to know that we matter. To not be invisible. We try to fill that need, that void, through relationships, food, addictions, medications, career; anything to numb that pain of loneliness and rejection. If we can stay busy enough we can convince ourselves that we are OK, even if we are not.
Dear sister, did you see yourself in the little girl, the adolescent or the young woman? Were you victim to the very people who were suppose to care for and protect you? What you missed, did you try to find and each time come up lacking? It is a sad place to be in.
You can not change your past, but you can make a choice for your future. You do not need to be a victim, you can be a conqueror. Some of what happened was not your fault. Some of it was. We have all made choices, and sadly, there are consequences to our choices and sometimes others suffer the consequences.
It is not too late. The burdens that you have, they were not meant for you to carry. Jesus said, “Come to Me, all of you who are weary and carry heavy burdens and I will give you rest. Take My yoke upon you. Let Me teach you, because I am humble and gentle, and you will find rest for your souls. For My yoke fits perfectly, and the burden I give you is light” Matthew 11:28-30
When we try to be “good enough” on our own, we will always fall short. When we look to others to validate us, we will be let down. We can not be “good enough” on our own and there is a spot in us that was never meant to be filled by others. There is only One who is enough and through Him we are good enough. In Him we find acceptance and love. In Him we find our strength and freedom to be vulnerable enough to be that beautiful woman He has created to us to be. In Him we find completeness and an intimate love that no one else can give.
I encourage you, my sweet sister, stop running, avoiding, denying, masking, hiding, manipulating and fighting. Cry out to Jesus, for He cares for you. He gave His life for you and in His resurrection you can find redemption. Let Him wash you and trust Him to finish the work that He has begun. You are precious in His eyes.
Even though a wrong has been committed against you, you still have to acknowledge your own wrongs. These wrongs are called sin. No matter what you have done, no matter how bad, He says that if you confess your sins to Him, He will forgive you. He will remember your sins no more and you become a new person. He will call you daughter and He is a Father that you can always trust to provide for you, care for you and protect you. He is the Father who will rejoice over you and will comfort you. In Him you will find no rejection. He will never leave you.
Be free and stay free.