“I’m tired.” She said, tears welling up in her eyes, as she took another sip of her coffee.
We sat at the table in silence; she staring into her coffee and me looking at her. I didn’t know what to say to her, I prayed for God to give me words of comfort for her, but nothing came. Maybe she just needs me to listen.
After a long pause, she took another sip of her coffee, put her cup down and looked me in the eye. I could see the traces of sleepless nights on her face. The circles under eyes made her look older than she was and the puffiness told me she had been crying.
“Why can’t I get it right? Why do people always leave me? Am I that unlovable?” She looked away, gazed out the window and I could see a new tear forming at the corner of her eye. “I give it my all, I try to be the perfect person. No matter what I do it is just never enough.”
I have known her for a long time. She came from a broken home, abandoned by her father. She married at a young age to an abusive husband, who eventually left her and her children. After two failed marriages, a couple failed relationships, a most recent heartbreak, and years of struggle, my friend sat in front of me and confessed she can no longer go on. “Something has got to give!” She said in a barely audible whisper.
My friend didn’t see herself as others saw her. She always saw herself as someone who is… less than. But, what I saw was a strong woman. A beautiful, compassionate, woman. She always has a smile on her face, she loved extravagantly, anyone who came into contact with her became an instant friend. She was beautiful on the inside and out. Everyone noticed her. This always surprised me when she felt as though she were invisible.
I wanted to tell her it is not that she is unworthy, she just chooses unworthy people to give her heart to. I know she does this because she does not see her own worth and what a treasure she really is.
I take her by the hand and I look into her eyes, her beautiful sad eyes. I can feel my own heart breaking for her.
“Don’t you ever for a minute think you are unworthy.” I firmly tell her. “You are so precious to Him, you are a treasure in His hands. Yes, others have left you and hurt you. But, my dear friend, He will never leave you. He is not angry with you. He has a plan and a purpose for you. Your vision has been clouded, you have not been able to hear Him because of the voices in your own head, but this does not mean He is not near. He has seen everything that has been done to you, and He has seen everything you have done. But, He forgives you, He loves you, and He wants you to give your burdens to Him. He wants you to trust Him with your cares, your anxieties, and your dreams.”
I want to tell her to take her eyes off people and focus on Him, because I know her wounds go so much deeper. Only He can touch the depth of her wounded soul and bring the healing she cries out for. But I also know it will require her to completely trust Him and to be vulnerable again. Her trust has been shattered so many times from trusting the wrong people, I wonder if she will even be able to open up and receive His healing for her.
Our conversation shifts to the surface, because this is where she feels comfortable. We talk about our jobs, the weather, the children, anything and everything to not have to talk anymore about the discomfort and pain she is feeling. Both of us are only half way in the conversation, going through the motions of not addressing the obvious need she has.
Thirty minutes later I am watching her through my rear mirror as she drives off. I sit in my car, silent, thinking about the conversation with my friend. And I pray for her. I pray for God to reveal Himself to her and to show her who she is in Him. I pray the motions of joy she portrays to the outside world become real joy. I pray for her deliverance and that she would turn away from anyone who is not Gods best for her. May she be so focused in the revelation of His love for her, that she will never settle for anyone or anything that is less. Oh, that she would come to the understanding her past is not her future. She is accepted by the true lover of her soul.
Yes, my friend, you are beautiful. You are beautiful because you belong to Him. We live in a fallen world filled with broken people. It was never His plan for us to be hurt, abused, overlooked, rejected. But it happens, sometimes by other people and sometimes through our own choices. The consequence can feel unbearable and suffocating, but it does not have to be the death of us.
Oh, my broken friend, lay yourself at His feet. He will lift you up and in His arms you are safe.
Be Free & Stay Free